聽神談【面對「壓力」的處理建言】
尼爾(替15歲的奧立岡男孩問)：面對我所有的壓力，最好的處理方式是什麽？
學會去「感受」「好」的壓力與「壞」的壓力之間的差別，以及有用的壓力與無用的壓力之間的差別。
有用的壓力是一種强化你自己去成爲、做出或去擁有「你已選擇要成爲、做到或擁有某事物」的欲望。(Useful pressure is the intensification of your own desire to be, do, or have something that you, yourself, have chosen to be, do, or have.)
無用的壓力是一種出於「你想要被別人贊同的需求」之焦慮。永遠不要做任何只為取悅別人而做的事。
尼爾：那是個相當激進的說法！
它聽起來比它確實是更激進。在人生中有許多時候，是可以取悅別人來取悅自己。那樣的話，就去做。只有當取悅別人使你感到不悅時，你應抑制自己去做。
當你和別人共享相同的自我利益(share the same self-interest)的時候，取悅別人永遠會取悅你。換言之，當你們「雙方想要的是相同的」時。
妙訣是：關注在別人想要的以及你想要的，並且仔細地檢視那些地方。如果你非常仔細地檢視它們，你將對於「你是多麽常在別人想要的裡，發現一些也是你想要的」感到驚訝。
就在找到那些對你們彼此都有利的區域，達到了「壞」壓力的消除。當你們找到了共同點時，你也失去了忿怒的理由。
永遠記住這點：「當你找到彼此的共同點，你便失去忿怒的理由。」(When you find common ground, you lose grounds for anger.)
突然之間，你看清楚了，你做某件事，不只是因為別人要你去做，却是爲了對你有益的理由你想去做。你找到了想做的理由。例如你可以獲得錢、證明你有能力做出，或利益。永遠記住這點：利益有許多種形式。(Profit comes in many forms.)
摘自《與神對話青春版 》第6章
Neale: So how can I best deal with all the pressures I am facing?
Learn to "feel" the difference between "good" pressure and "bad" pressure, between useful pressure and useless pressure.
Useful pressure is the intensification of your own desire to be, do, or have something that you, yourself, have chosen to be, do, or have.
Useless pressure is the anxiety that results from your need to be approved of by someone else. Never do anything to please another.
Neale: That's a pretty radical statement!
It sounds more radical than it really is. There are many times in life when it will please you to please another. In that case, do it. Only when it does not please you to please another should you refrain from doing it.
It always pleases you to please another when you and the other share the same self-interest. In other words, when you both want the same thing.
The trick is to look at what another person wants, and what you want, and examine those things closely. If you examine them very closely, you will be surprised how often you will find something in what the other person desires that you desire also.
It is in finding those areas where you hold mutual interest that the elimination of "bad" pressure is accomplished. When you find common ground, you lose grounds for anger.
Remember that always: When you find common ground, you lose grounds for anger.
All of a sudden it becomes clear to you that you are doing something, not just because someone else wants you to do it, but because you want to do it, for reasons that benefit you.
Give an example.
You mean like, getting paid. That's one reason. There could be others. Payment comes in many forms. As does profit.
Remember that always: Profit comes in many forms.
